What's that rattling?

It's not often I check my e-mail and find an apology for the accidental release of a deadly reptile into a city neighborhood.

Thinly veiled death threats, advertisements for discount Yorkie puppies and forwards of forwards of forwards indisputably proving the president is a secret Muslim socialist space alien with eight toes on each foot are all commonplace, but an apology for the accidental release of a deadly reptile is rare.

But that's what I received just the other day (or a very long time ago, if you find this as a yellowed clipping stuck between the pages of the Farmer's Almanac while cleaning out your granny's attic).

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, an adult tiger rattlesnake escaped from an "unsecured cage door" on Aug. 28 at an Atlanta zoo and slithered around a neighborhood for two days until a resident, unaware that an escaped rattlesnake was in the vicinity, saw it and beat it to death.

A tiger rattlesnake is not some hellish, giant mutant combination of tiger and snake created in a botched gene-splicing experiment at a clandestine government lab, as I originally thought (coming soon to the SyFy channel: "Tigersnake vs. Sharktopus"), but an actual rattlesnake found in the southwestern United States, northwestern Mexico and, at least for two days, Atlanta.

Some neighbors and visitors thought the zoo should have been more forthcoming that a deadly reptile had escaped, though zoo officials said they made an announcement on the day it occurred.

I imagine it was similar to this: "Hey kids, while you're having fun at the zoo, be sure to pick up an official Randy the Rhino backpack, the perfect back-to-school item. And if you're lucky enough find an escaped tiger rattlesnake inside, bring it to the zoo information center at Gate B and redeem it for two free passes!"

Zoo officials kept it low-key, fearing visitors might panic and storm the monkey house, which is exactly where I would go if I was being chased by a giant, mutant tigersnake.

"Having since heard concerns from our guests, we now realize that we should have made ongoing announcements," zoo spokeswoman Keisha Hines told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "We apologize to anyone who was not aware of this incident and will continue to evaluate and make adjustments to communications procedures."

Anyone includes me, even though I was hundreds of miles away working on the screenplay for "Tigersnake vs. Sharktopus." Here's an excerpt from the e-mail, subject line "Public Apology," I received from Raymond B. King, president and CEO of the Atlanta Zoo:

"While I am disappointed and embarrassed by the incident, this event was highly uncharacteristic of Zoo Atlanta and its operations, animal care, communications and personnel."

In other words, ol' Bob the zookeeper can count on all three remaining fingers the incidents that have occurred there. (Note: If by chance there is a zookeeper named Bob and he did at some point have his fingers bitten off in an animal-related incident, I sincerely apologize for my insensitivity while trying to coax at least a chuckle from the six people who are still reading at this point.)

King's e-mail continues: "As a result of this unfortunate event, we are re-evaluating our procedures and protocols regarding animal management and how we communicate ... We apologize to anyone who was unaware of the incident, and we regret any worry felt by our community."

It takes a big man to admit and apologize for the accidental release of a deadly reptile into a city neighborhood, so I accept the apology.

Just send an official Randy the Rhino backpack, two free passes and a promise to financially back my new movie "Tigersnake vs. Sharktopus" to this newspaper and all is forgiven.