Don't even try tricking your mom

Because the PW (Pretty Wife), Joya, is Italian and has an uncanny ability of insight and perception into my thoughts and secrets, the following advice was sent by my friend Dave Boyer, perhaps as a warning to all to stay honest in our love lives.

An Italian mother

Mrs. Castellucci comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an e-mail:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you did not take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from his mama which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you do sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love, Mama

Moral: Never lie to your mama or your wife, especially if she's Italian.

Been a cruising

The PW and I have just finished a seven-day cruise aboard the Norwegian Cruise ship "Pearl," to the eastern Caribbean islands, a 2,180-mile round trip from Miami stopping at four towns in the Virgin Island chains.

Our first stop was at Samana, located in the western Dominican Republic of the island that has the destroyed country of Haiti located on the eastern side. A terrifying ride on a four person under-powered motorbike rickshaw took us through some of the poorest areas of living I have ever seen with literally hundreds of speeding motorcycles threatening us on the very narrow roads, up to a mountain top 300 foot waterfall. Surviving the rickshaw ride was the biggest thrill.

St. Thomas was the second stop, where a modern truck bus that held 21 passengers had a very good tour driver showing us the multi-million dollar mountainside homes, and lots of shanties.

Road Town on the island Tortola was next, where we walked through the busy town with more than two dozen "rare" stone and diamond outlets hawking to the wealthy boaters. I found an island shirt for $15 at a tent flea market close to the ship.

Norwegian Cruise Lines now owns an island called Great Stirrup Cay, in the Bahamas. It's a narrow island maybe a mile long and half mile wide where they are building a huge reception center. A tender took us to a large beach on which more than half of the 2,500 boaters took a swim.

Two beers on the beach cost me $13.50.