Road rage just a case of mistaken identity

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car."

Life's reflections

I'm watching way too much television, or maybe enough to learn some important lessons. I've learned to never stand close to a kid with a baseball bat. Almost always someone gets hit in the groin, the most painful spot for a man.

At my age, I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

I was watching the History Channel World War II stories about ships in the last stages of the war getting attacked by the Japanese. I'm confused in trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I had better learn how to get movie channels on my Blackberry really quick or soon I will be in a restaurant when some kid starts screaming and need to give the dad a movie for the kid to watch until his mother gets back.

I am terribly inconsistent when it comes to how I drive. I am noticing more and more that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but when I am driving carefully anyone going faster is an accident waiting to happen. And why is it that I can pass every car ahead of me and not think anyone is paying any attention to me.

I recently hear an interesting statistic. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. I was thinking of two of my best friends and realized that since they seem to be okay, then it must be me who is crazy. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A good gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"