When The Wind's Not Blowing

As the buzzards that return to Hinckley, Ohio, each March signal the beginning of spring, cruise ships plying their trade in the Caribbean signal the end of the hurricane season.

That was brought to mind a few weeks back when my fellow columnist Raleigh Whiteman wrote about the cruise he and his PW took recently.

I've been on a few myself and I've enjoyed them. They are very popular and I'm sure that taking a cruise is on as many "bucket lists" as any other activity. Still there are encounters that first-time cruisers should realize before embarking on one of the sea adventures:

Cruise ships of today in no way resemble the Love Boat. Don't expect to find a Captain's Table in the dining room, and if there is one, don't expect to be invited to be seated at it.

While the ships offer a large number of activities, few of them are ones you can join in on, or want to join in on, so plan on a lot of inactivity's time.

Yes there is entertainment. And some of it is even good.

The human digestive system can hold only so much food. So what's it going to be the buffet or the dining room? Personally I like being served.

If you go to the Caribbean, remember there are only so many ports available to the ships so expect more than one ship to disgorge their fun-seekers within minutes of each other.

Considering there is in excess of 3,000 passengers on any one hotel-of-the-sea when three of them park side by next to one another, it means a lot of bargain hunters have been cut loose at any one time. And with a crowd of shoppers like this, what kind of bargains do the locals really have to give?

Don't let the TYPWYWYG people see this but one distinct advantage to cruising is that there are no pets allowed. Those 'Take Your Pet With You Wherever You Go' members have a strong lobby that wants to afford pets the same rights as humans so enjoy the flea less respite.

If, however, there is a need to keep in contact with your comfort creature, you can get in touch by a not-all-that-cheap shipboard Internet connection.

I can't help but wonder if there is a way to track fish that follow cruise ships? The more fish following could mean the better the food served on that ship. Then again it could mean the food is not so good, therefore more of it is given a burial at sea.

Another Rule Buster

We were brought up being taught that the rule is: 'i' before the 'e' except after 'c'. I'm not sure Raleigh was ever informed of this.

Name Change

Considering what parents are naming their children today, I've been considering having my name changed, to, like a single name. Maybe something like: NormanA, pronounced nor-man-a. That would put me right up there with Cher and Madonna.

At least these two have pronounceable names.

I don't know how current teachers keep up with the unusual naming trend.

I mean, not only do they run the risk upsetting parents because they can't pronounce some foreign or even made-up name, how do they alphabetically arrange a single-name student: by their only name or by applying NLN (no last name) and their sole-name as in NLN, Cher?

And if you alphabetized by the sole-name alone, you would run the risk of having a bunch of more newly invented names like: Aaaron and Aaaalice so parents can get their babykins placed at the top of a list.

Also in schools today, I would imagine that the people in power can't even ask a student about their parents without running the risk of falling into the chasm of political correctness, considering the number of single parent families there are, not to mention single gender families.

Boy (or do I have to say Boy or girl or perhaps use a genderless word like guy?) am I glad I kept away from the teaching profession.

Overheard

Overheard at the checkout counter: Has everyone forgotten the way to Lakeside Mall?