Strange things are happening

With the new year just around the corner it's time for us to make our plans for what we should do that we should have done but didn't do in past years. I for one am going to buy a new recliner so I can comfortably ponder some of the mysteries that surround us.

Mysteries like:

1. Whatever happened to bobby pins? There were two kinds as I remember. The U-shaped open ones and the springy closed kind. With these little pieces of metal maybe an inch-and-a-half long women could perform wondrous acts and deeds. They could get a car started or fix a stubborn appliance or maybe even ward off attackers. And in all of the classic movies a private eye would ask his girl Friday for a bobby pin so he could pick a lock.

2. Is there a hidden state out west somewhere around where Idaho, Utah and Wyoming meet? Kind of like in the Harry Potter movie where there was an unseen house between two houses that to muggles (non-wizards) eyes looked like there was no space. Anyway there has to be some secret meeting area somewhere that women gather periodically. How else could they all share the same traits? They discuss how to gain certain feminine rights: like intimidating men to put the toilet seat back down. If we men had a secret meeting place we could establish our right to demand the toilet seat be put back up after they used the facility.

Yet with all the genderless demands the once fair sex insists upon one they have chosen to ignore is protesting the saying, "The evil that men do." I guess the ladies feel they do no evil, or at least they are not about to admit to it.

More of a mystery

3. Astronomers continue to tell us about the vast distances that exist in space. They measure them in light years - almost 6 trillion miles. And the closest galaxy to ours is 80,000 light years away. So what we are seeing in the sky now happened when earth was a pup if it existed at all. The question is: If what we are seeing today happened so long ago how do we know all that stuff in the sky is still there?

4. I would like to explore a phenomenon that happens to me at the bridge table. What I can't understand is: When I pick up my cards and the first four or five are aces or kings the rest are low cards. Yet if the first four or five are low cards the rest will be also.

5. I understand that one of the reasons Secret Service agents wear sunglasses is so people can't see where they are looking. That reduces the chance of a bad guy waiting until the agent looks away before performing some dastardly deed. Except of course in the case of party crashing. Anyway if the sunglass thing works for agents why not for guys who want to view scantily clad girls at the beach. With us wearing those hidey things wives and significant others could be deceived as in, "I wasn't looking at her I was watching that muscled guy over there on the surfboard dear."

And don't forget

6. I can't help but wonder where all the medical professionals are coming from that will be required to treat patients under Obamacare? I can just see the Internet offers now: "Billions available, learn general surgery in the comfort of your own home."

7. I'm afraid there is one mystery that will remain unsolved for me: How do people kiss when one or both of them have a ring through their lip? I'm not about to test it with a stranger and Ruth has put her foot down. She's not about to subject herself to a pierced lip just so I can satisfy my all too often perverse curiosity.

8. And finally I ponder; if I somehow became a fourth wiseperson what gift would I take to the baby Jesus?

Overheard

Overheard at the checkout counter: Believe it or not we are entering the home stretch to Christmas. Are you ready?