There are only 12 more shopping days 'til Christmas and I can't help but wonder if it would be presumptuous of me to expect a gift from my reader? And if it is not, would it be a display of arrogance on my part to perhaps suggest what that gift should be? Or shouldn't be?
It is also the season that broke the reindeers' backs carrying all those holiday catalogs. And as I glanced through them before sending them to the recycling bin, certain items caught my fancy. But not necessarily enough that I would want to see one of them in my stocking.
In the catalog of Bed Bath and Beyond is advertised the "Mangroomer." It's a "Do-it-yourself electric back hair shaver." I never even knew men were required to shave their backs. In fact I've never seen a barbershop advertise "Backs Shaved." But then again if enough men had a do-it-yourself electric back hair shavers there wouldn't be enough backs left for the barbers to shave.
Another item in BB and B's seasonal gift book that I could easily live without is the "Deluxe Nose/Ear Hair Trimmer with Vacuum." I guess it's the vacuum that makes it deluxe. I know a lot of guys need to trim some of their excess hair, but if that vacuum is too strong heaven only knows what else might be sucked up. Why not trim in front of the bathroom mirror and let the shavings be washed away in the sink? At least then you wouldn't have to carry all those extra batteries.
I know Christmas is less than a month away when I get my annual Harry and David Christmas Gift catalog. But really have you ever seen Harry and/or David? Have either of them been interviewed by Ellen or Jay Leno? Have they cavorted on Oprah's couch or brought their recipes into Paula Deen's kitchen? Not that I know of.
I'm always dazzled too by the cost of their products. Ten dollars, 20 dollars or 30 dollars a pound for eatables. This year they have a new offering. Spiced Crème Shortbreads. They sound incredibly delicious, but at $29.95 for six cookies weighing a total of 9 ounces? Personally I'd feel a bit uncomfortable eating a $5 cookie.
Up until I started getting paranoid about carrying potentially dangerous weapons I always carried a pocketknife. You never know when you need to rescue a damsel in distress or something equally as heroic. Years ago I forewent the urge to carry a Swiss Army knife and bought a Buck: named for Hoyt H. Buck, a Kansas blacksmith who founded the company.
I bring this up because while leafing through the L.L. Bean Christmas catalog I found a couple of Buck knives offered as gift ideas. What caught my eye was that the descriptions included the term for the blades. I used to say my knife had two blades. What I never realized was that my knife has what appear to be a Turkish Clip blade and a Spey blade; although had I known that that blunt blade was used to perform surgery on small farm animals I might have been more selective and gone for a Sheepsfoot or a Tanto.
The things you learn from Christmas catalogs are amazing.
So what's left? You could always do some re-gifting - rewrapping gifts you received over the years but never used. After all they are new and still in their original packaging. Things like that VCR rewinding machine or that stack of floppy disks maybe even an eight-track or two.
Or perhaps you can be original and send me one of those Zhu Zhu pet hamsters like Mr. Squiggles or Num Nums. But before you do let me check with the manufacturer and find out if the cuddly robotic rascals are going to leave little metal droppings all around the house.
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