Thereby Hangs A Tail

Many, many years ago, when I was more into reading science fiction than I am today, I read a story about a girl who was born with a tail. She led a horrible life. She was picked on at school and generally ostracized by society. Her wish was to get rid of the cursed thing so she could lead a normal life, but doctors were afraid to undertake a removal operation.

Then a strange thing happened - more and more children were being born with tails. Scientists accredited the phenomenon to a change in our genetic make-up. The learned ones claimed that either we as the human race was evolving to some new higher order or else we were regressing back to our roots.

While no one had an answer to the emergence of the prehensile appendage, so many "tailies" (people with tails) were being born they soon outnumbered those born without them.

The story was published way before the Internet was invented so the author had no blog to let his readers in on the "whys" behind his story. In those days the readers had to interpret a writer's meaning, which led to a bevy of college courses on motives contained within the written word. Perhaps this writer's motive was nothing more than to highlight society's baseless foundation for a prejudice. In this story people were bias toward the tailies when they were in the minority. And when the tailies became the majority they looked down upon those unfortunate ones who didn't have one.

Think Of The Advantages
Regardless of the improbability of the concept, I can't help but wonder: What if.
What if we had tails? Think about how neat that would be. Now I don't mean a dog's tail: all they really do is wag or drag. They wag them when happy and when disciplined they just sort of let them drag on the floor. And I don't really mean a monkey's tail. That would give new meaning to the term, "hanging around." No I'm referring to a meaningful tail like a cat's.

Cats are able to wag 'em if they have a mind to or they can curl 'em, swish 'em, twitch 'em and what I like most of all they can flick 'em.

Imagine yourself driving down the highway and some jerk cuts you off. You are too civilized to give the offender the "bird" so you simply flick your tail at him. A properly executed flick can express a variety of meanings from "hey" to "ciao" to "at what flea market did you buy your driver's license?"
And what could be more romantic than tails intertwined under the table during an evening out? Or when you don't want the kids to know that you have something planned after they go to bed? Or when both hands are dirty because you're working in the garden. The possibilities are endless for those little intimately spontaneous occasions or for when you're waiting for the pills to take effect.

Also consider all the new fashions that will be spawned by the addition of this 2,001 body part. Like tail mufflers and over-the-shoulder belt-like devices designed to keep the after-part out of harm's way.

On The Down Side
Of course there would also be some down sides associated with the added appendage. Like: "Ma, he's pulling my tail!" which has absolutely no association with pulling one's leg. And expect to hear coming from the back seat of the family car, "Mother, Jimmy's tail is on my side again!" But these are nothing that mothers haven't been coping with since the invention of the wheel.

Of course you can expect to see even more Internet spam as in: "Learn to pick up things with your tail in just three weeks" or "Is she ignoring you? - Let us add inches to your tail." Or ask your doctor about the side-affects of taking Tailalis® for energizing a limp tail.

And what of those unfortunates who don't have one? Well I guess you could contact one of the new breeds of fix-your-body doctors or simply accept that you are a member of the new minority group who discover that all men (of all sexes) are not created equal.

Overheard
Overheard at the checkout counter: Do you need help with that bag or should I just hang it on your tail?