How Do I Use Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

I didn't think the disposal of 100 billion plastic bags a year in this country was all that much.

Los Angeles, however, does and is apparently leading the country in adopting legislation to eliminate the "paper or plastic" option by banning the plastic bag. Elsewhere some retailers are voluntarily doing the same.

Still there is a group of us around who share a kind of save-it-just-in-case mentality. We recycle stuff by using it for purposes never dreamed of by the inventors. In fact we would be very tempted to sign a "Save the Bag" petition if one started making the rounds. Sure a "bring a bag to market" or "rent a bag" movement is admirable, but how often do you simply pop into a supermarket just for a quart of milk only to get a text message from someone at home with a list long enough to fill up two carts?

Another thing, what are we going to use to fill the plastic bag void? After all, we were all extremely happy with the paper bag era until we were made to feel like every time we went shopping we caused the demise of a tree in the pristine forests of Washington. And so we adapted.

Not only did we adapt we improvised. When those of us from the save-just-in-case generation became overwhelmed in plastic bags we sought practical uses for them. Here's just a brief reminder of the void that will occur in our lives when the handi-handled, light weight, carrying containers find their way into some museum of ancient fads and fancies.

Following is a baker's dozen uses I've found for the offending offal:

For garbage, after assuring of course there are no holes in them,

A place to neatly accumulate newspapers and magazines, except for National Geographic which are stored away in boxes,

Liners for shredder baskets. Shredding done? Neatly tie the handles together and set out for collection crew,

Beach bags for keeping wet suits from dripping all over the backseat of the car,

Use as lunch bags instead of spending money on yet more non-biodegradable containers,

Run out of plastic popcorn? Squench up some plastic bags to use as packing material,

Automotive litterbags. Just hang one from the radio knob,

A container for trick-or-treat candy - both giving and getting,

A container for adopt-a-road people who have a never-ending roadside cleanup job and

Dirty baby diaper store-til-rubbish day holders.

And for those specialty jobs, there are those plastic bags your morning paper comes in that can be used as:

Pick-up doggie poop containers when walking poochie and your neighbors are watching,

Something to put your wet umbrella in until you get home, and

Substitute barf bags. The way airlines are cutting back it may not be long before you may have to bring your own.

No Redeeming Values

In spite of the enormous amount of bags that are disposed of each year I can't help but wonder why equal concern isn't put on plastic water bottles, which have no practical secondary use except perhaps to stomp on an empty one to see how far you can make the replaced cap travel - a sport that has yet to gain Olympic acceptance.

I can't possibly see why supermarkets do not ban the sale of bottled water as well as any product that uses those animal hazardous plastic six-pack carry-thingies. Could it have something to do with making money?

It's interesting to watch the liquid refreshment industry scramble to come up with a flavored power drink to replace water now that some people are finally starting to realize that what comes out of the tap is as good as what comes out of the bottle.

The Wright Thing To Do

My personal welcome to Michael Wright, our new county administrator. He's got a large pair of shoes to fill.