Sarah Palin

Hello I'm back; you haven't seen me for about two days, did you miss me? I'm Sarah, Sarah Palin. I've been so busy I never went back to Saturday Night Live because it bombed, just like I did in the election.

Golly Gee I just don't know why I did go to New York for the governors meeting, didn't you see me? I wore the blindingly red suit. Rudolph the reindeer told me that red was an attention getting color and you all know I'd do anything for attention, you betcha! Rudy makes regular trips to Alaska. The meeting lasted five hours but my daughter ended up staying for four days at $700 dollars a day. The taxpayers paid for that, I just love to spend taxpayer's money. You should see what else I've charged to them.

I gave interviews to the biased cable channel because I knew they would only ask what I approved. I think I gave a recipe for moose chili. I make it by the gallon, but to get that unique taste I throw in a couple of troopers, what a flavor!

I'm just so home-spun and folksy I can't stand myself. I've already got my buttons and T-shirts for 2012, even though some unkind people have said I've lost some buttons. I guess I'll be measuring drapes again. The last time I had to settle for drapes for an igloo. What? It's a White House! I'll hang those $150 silk shorts from the igloo, which means affluence reigns. Some people said I'm not intelligent; who cares if South America isn't in North America? If I moved my fence, Russia would be part of Alaska, you think?

I have to go because that pig that's dressed as a moose just flew by here, but I've got the lipstick ready. Now where is Alaska?

Bernadette Nelson
Sebring