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Highlands Today > Raliegh Whiteman Columns

Disclaimers protect sellers from everything

By Raleigh Whiteman | Highlands Today

Published: June 11, 2009

Warning! This column is not intended to be right, wrong or indifferent. You should never read this while operating heavy equipment or machinery. Do not drive while reading this column. If you ever read this column for more than four hours, you are severely handicapped and should contact your physician immediately! Do not believe everything you read here.

Did this rambling creative disclaimer do you any good?

Probably not, but it may cause you to continue reading, just do not do so unless you are on the throne or in your favorite chair.

More disclaimers
How often do you see something advertised that you really need because of what it can do for you personally in the way of looks, convenience, time saving, health improvement and money saving. There are probably dozens of other ways that you think it will make your life more comfortable and pleasant but at the end of the ad there are the words, "Results not typical."
Most of these warnings are disclaimers which protect the seller or product producer from lawsuits or having to refund if they do not work as expected by the buyer.

Computers at work
WARNING: This computer system is for authorized use only. Users (authorized or unauthorized) have no explicit or implicit expectation of privacy. Any or all uses of this system and all files on this system may be intercepted, monitored, recorded, copied, audited, inspected, and disclosed to authorized administrators. By using this system, the user consents to such interception, monitoring, recording, copying, auditing, inspection, and disclosure at the discretion of authorized administrators. Unauthorized or improper use of this system may result in administrative disciplinary action and civil and criminal penalties. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. LOG OFF IMMEDIATELY if you do not agree to the conditions stated in this warning.

Making money with money
An investor may get back less than the amount invested. This statement has no quantification and the warning does not really hit home. You can lose 5 percent to 25 percent and more sometimes. It is unlikely that this warning alone will ensure that the unwary investor knows what could potentially happen to his or her money.

This certainly warns people to be careful, but how many investors really bother to double-check? The odds of an investor actually going to an advisor are low.

I know from experience you can lose it all.

Dying in Antarctica
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?

Wonder no more.

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into it and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

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