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Highlands Today

King Kenneth set fashions way back when

Ramblings

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By Norm Cukras | Highlands Today

Published: July 4, 2009

Years ago, back around the time of the one-thousandth anniversary of the birth of Christianity, back when the Normans and the Saxons were feuding over the control of England, there was another faction there called the Kenneths. They were a more peaceful sect that tended to avoid conflict, which gave them time to enjoy the finer things of life.

The leader of the domain was King Kenneth. He was a benevolent king who had an affliction. He suffered from psoriasis. The disease developed on his left hand and actually had no debilitating effect on his reign. But not only did it look bad, the monarch felt that somehow his people would think the less of him if they knew of his imperfection. So on the advice of his counselors he wore a glove to hide it.

Of course the monarch's malaise soon became known throughout the kingdom and while it was impolite to talk of it, the covered hand became a topic of conversation in both the manor houses and in the common rooms of inns. In an attempt to put an end to the rampant rumors it became fashionable to emulate the king by wearing a glove to court. At first there was some unease about the king's reaction to the cover up but he seemed to accept the practice and soon it became an affront not to wear one, giving rise to the saying "sleight of hand."

A Tradition Begins
Upon the king's death the entire kingdom, as well as foreign dignitaries from near and far, turned out to pay their respects. And protocol being what it was, every visitor appeared at the funeral with a gloved left hand. Following King Kenneth's internment, his son and heir decreed that all subjects would continue the wearing of the glove as a sign of mourning. Sadly, the son, King Kenneth II, died so suddenly that the decree was never rescinded and the apparel obligation continued. Soon even the origin and purpose of wearing the glove was forgotten. People were simply expected to wear a glove on their left hand.

The third King Kenneth really liked the idea of wearing that singular piece of apparel and started to amass a rather large collection to the point that it is said he never appeared in public wearing the same glove twice. And while this reigning king set the fashion, the members of court tried to outdo one another by having the couturiers design styles bedecked with jewels and made of such exotic materials as silk and vicuna.

The kingdom was soon obsessed with the wearing of the glove, which some historians credit as the inspiration for Michael Jackson's wardrobe, that the subjects no longer wished to be seen without it. Dressing rooms at the baths were installed so bathers could change gloves in private: replacing one displaying a fashion statement for a more practical one of muslin or cotton - seeing as how rubber was yet to be invented.

Enterprising, although admittedly shameful, dressing room attendants were known to bore little holes in the walls of these rooms and then charge men a penny for a peek at a lady's bare hand. When the practice was uncovered, so to speak, the king was petitioned to rule against the intrusion, although it is said that his first reaction to the lascivious behavior was to find out why he had never thought of the engaging in some late night peeking in the palace.

Surprisingly, nudity throughout the kingdom, although not widely practiced because of the weather, was not frowned upon. Certainly not to the degree that a bare left hand was.

The Envelope Is Pushed
At the Super Joust of 1509, a period when the morals of the kingdom were on the wane and the liberals were emerging, the scribes were busily scribing the events of the day when the kingdom's leading bardress performed with the tips of her glove fingers missing. Maids swooned and mothers shielded their children's eyes to prevent them from being exposed to the sinfulness. Wantonness such as this hadn't been seen in the realm in the past 50 decades.

This act went way beyond a wardrobe malfunction. This was a direct attack on the very fabric of the kingdom. But it had happened. Fingers had been exposed. It was the beginning of the end for an era of modesty. "What's our world coming to?" lamented the traditionalists.

A cry that has gone unanswered for 500 years.

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