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Highlands Today

Fostering A Better World

Jasmina Meyer/Highlands Today

From left: Shannon Carmody spends time with her mother, Mary Carmody, during a visit at home. Shannon said her parents try to make a home away from home for foster children.

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By GARY PINNELL

Highlands Today

Published: January 16, 2009

Updated: 01/16/2009 10:24 am

LAKE PLACID - About four years ago, Larry and Mary Carmody became foster parents to a 2-year-old girl. She still lives in the area, so let's call her K.

Mary quickly fell in love with K.

"When she turned 3, we gave her a birthday party," Mary smiled.

K was a pill. She had lots of behavioral problems. She was even saying the "F" word in church.

"She had gone through six foster homes before," said Mary, 41, a stay-at-home mom. And she was only 2.

Larry and Mary were thinking about adopting K when, after 9 months, she was returned to her mother's home.

"We didn't think that was a good thing," Mary said. But it's what the state decided was best for the child.

"I cried for months after that," Mary said. "We didn't think we'd ever do it again."

Four Years Later

"There's a desperate need for foster homes in Highlands County," said Liz Cone, a foster home recruiter for Heartland for Children, a non-profit agency overseeing foster care, case management, independent living and adoption for abused and neglected children in Polk, Hardee and Highlands counties.

"But we've really struggled with homes for teens."

And that's where the Carmodys come in. Larry, 46, is an investigator for the Sebring Police Department, specializing in crimes against children and the elderly. They have three children of their own, but they've also taken in so many foster children since K left, they can't count.

"In round numbers? Maybe 50," Larry said.

"The Carmodys have had a lot of success with teens," Cone said. Most recently, there was Russell Wright, 19, who has "aged out" of the foster care system but recently returned to Lake Placid so he could be near his foster parents, where they play a lot of video games and watch TV.

"I thought they were nerds," Wright said. But, he admitted, he enjoyed his time with them.

The Carmodys have a structured home. They go to church, and the kids must attend too. If they're not sick, they have to go to school. It's a rule. And finally, no one is allowed to hurt others.

That is the unlovely side of foster care, Cone and the Carmodys will admit. Occasionally, a child comes along who can't be handled. Like R, 15, who kept picking on smaller children. Mary and Larry worked with him for a year, but they finally had to call Heartland for Children to come pick up R.

"He still wants to come back," Mary said. Larry would have invited R to return, if R was the only child in their home. But instead, they had to protect the entire group.

There was also a teenager who pierced his own eyebrow. He was told by the principal that he must remove facial metal. He wouldn't, so he couldn't attend school. And he had to leave the Carmody home.

Sometimes, kids arrive in the middle of the night, clothed only in a diaper that needed to be changed hours ago. So the Carmodys buy them clothes, shoes and book bags. They hope they'll recoup the money.

Cone won't discuss how much foster parents are paid, because they don't want calls from people who just want the money.

"You won't go in the hole," Larry promised. There is money for clothes, and foster parents receive a large enough stipend to give each child an allowance.

"They need to feel accepted," Larry said. When a child comes to their home, they tell the child to make himself at home. Don't ask permission, go to the refrigerator and eat when you're hungry.

"It's not about us, it's about the kids," Larry said.

Back to 2-year-old K. She should be having her seventh birthday soon. How's she doing?

"We don't know," said Mary Carmody. K's mother isn't a Christian, and she didn't appreciate the Carmodys teaching her child how to pray.

So there's heartbreak in foster parenting, Mary readily admitted.

"But it's worth it," she said. "It's my responsibility to help these children."

More info: Liz Cone, 863-409-7041 or www.heartlandforchildren.org

Foster Parent Training
An orientation for potential foster parents will be held at 6 p.m. Jan. 27. To register, call 863-519-8900, extension 289.
More info: www.heartlandforchildren.org

FAMOUS FOSTER CHILDREN
Charlotte Ayanna
Allison Anders
Ben Nighthorse Campbell
Daunte Culpepper
Cher
James Dean
Anthony DiCosmo
Ice-T
John Lennon
Billy Mills
Marilyn Monroe
Esai Morales
Eddie Murphy
Alonzo Mourning
Dan O'Brien
Dave Pelzer
Harry Potter
Carl Hancock Rux
Superman
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Source: fosterclub.com

Highlands Today senior reporter Gary Pinnell can be reached at gpinnell@highlandstoday.com or 863-386-5828

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