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Highlands Today

When People Fall Off The Radar Screen

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Lyn and Bill Roche

Published: January 25, 2008

A recent article in The Hunstville Times told of the death of two women who lived together. They were mother and daughter. One was age 63. She was the caregiver for her 89-year-old mother who had Alzheimer's disease.

The daughter apparently died from a heart attack in their home - unbeknown to neighbors or friends. Subsequently, her mother starved to death.

Like us, you're probably asking, " How could that have happened? Didn't anyone ever check on them?"

But think about it. How easily could that happen in your neighborhood? Might we sometimes be confused between what is interfering and what is caring? Either way, interfering or caring could have saved one or perhaps two lives. If the caregiver had had a buddy who called every morning and evening, things may have ended differently.

Our mom and a friend had a daily phone system worked out between them. Their agreement and friendship greatly eased our concerns – especially when we were traveling and couldn't always check on her ourselves.
When she moved into The Palms independent apartment building, we were relieved they had a method that revealed whether residents opened their doors in the morning or not. And neighbors in the building all kept good track of one another. Mom also subscribed to Lifeline and could push the button on her necklace if she fell or needed emergency assistance.

The disturbing article in the Alabama newspaper got us thinking about the caregivers in our local support group. We've printed and distributed amongst them (with their permission) an up-to-date list of their addresses and phone numbers so they can contact each other.

What we have not done (and now plan to suggest) is the formation and implementation of a buddy system – caregiver to caregiver. Currently, the majority of attendees are spousal caregivers. Some live with the memory-impaired spouse for which they care. Others live alone because their spouse now resides in a care facility. The habit of exchanging daily phone chats with a fellow caregiver and knowing if he or she doesn't feel good or has plans to be out of town makes a great deal of sense.

If a caregiver succumbed to a fatal attack in their home like the one reported in Hunstville, how long would it take a neighbor or family member to become aware that something was wrong? Would the loved one suffering from dementia starve before anyone checked on them?

Such tragedies are needless and can be avoided. There's definitely a difference between not wanting to interfere and being a caring friend, neighbor, or fellow caregiver. We're going to talk about this incident with our care group immediately.

Elderly people and caregivers often isolate. If you live alone or are caring for a frail or ill loved one and haven't set up some sort of buddy system, please seriously consider doing so. Besides making provisions for assistance in an emergency situation, you'll most likely enhance a friendship and have the opportunity of communicating with someone who cares about you on a daily basis.

We can't allow people to fall off our radar screens. We mustn't be afraid of interfering if we haven't seen activity at a neighbor's home, they haven't picked up their newspaper, or we sense something is wrong or unusual. When they don't answer repeated phone calls and knocks on the door, we must not hesitate to alert authorities of our concern.

Lyn and Bill live in Highlands Ridge. Lyn is the author of Coping With Caring. Together they co-authored Sharing The Care. They facilitate a caregiver support group at Crown Pointe ALF, 5005 Sun 'n Lake Blvd., in Sebring every Thursday at 1 p.m. Call 402-0464 for more information. Visit www.thecaregiverscaregiver.com

©2008 Journey Publications

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