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Highlands Today

Hmm! Foil On Window, Garage Construction...

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Karl Erikson

Published: January 14, 2008

Like most of you, I read the newspaper almost every day. It's a morning ritual: coffee, newspaper, CNN. My mother insists that, me being a columnist for Highlands Today, I should get a free newspaper out of the deal.

"What, they can't throw you a free paper?" she'll say. I explain to her that I'm already getting paid for my weekly column. I know this may be a shock to some of you, that I actually get paid for this stuff. Perhaps I've blown a fantasy out of the water for you, that world famous writers get free newspapers.

Let me throw you another curveball. Writers are not exempt from police visits to their home. Wednesday of last week I was sitting inside my house, reading through the newspaper, when the doorbell rang. There were two men outside, one of them holding up a bright shiny police badge.

"We're with the Sheriff's department," said the badge man, "and we received an anonymous tip that this might be a marijuana growhouse." I waited a moment for the secret cameras to pop out from behind the shrubbery, but it didn't happen.

"Oh, really?" I said. "Well, I hate to disappoint, but I'm afraid we're not growing any crops here, especially illegal ones."

"Do you mind if we come in and take a look around?" Well, yes, I do mind, actually. Only a select few people are privileged enough to see the hovel of papers surrounding my recliner. I wouldn't let the Pope in here, let alone the cops. "That's OK," said Badge Man, "we understand. How about the garage? Can we take a look in there?" Sure, that I can do.

I walked outside along the front sidewalk and one of the police pointed to my bedroom window, where I have a metallic foil-like curtain hanging to block out the hot afternoon sun. They asked me about it and I told them what it was for. Was that curtain somehow responsible for me getting visited by the police? Hmm.

I opened the garage door for them so they could see all of the contraband in the garage: paint cans, desk, tools, even a bag of fertilizer. They noticed the newly-constructed wall and said, "Did you just build this wall?" I told him that, yes, we recently finished it, cutting the garage effectively in half so that Mom could have a bigger sewing room. "Oh, well that might explain it. Did you do the construction while the garage door was open?" Duh, do you think we'd erect a wall with the door closed? "Yes," I said.

So the police think that someone saw the construction going on in the garage and called the police.

Apparently, garage construction equals marijuana.

Who knew? I've read the paper just like you and I see all the growhouses that the Sheriff's office have busted in the last year.

Good for them, I say.

But there are a few reasons why I don't have a marijuana growhouse in my home.

First, I don't have the necessary farm animals that seem to keep the Animal Control people busy after growhouse busts. Second, the electric bill isn't nearly high enough. From what I understand, growhouses frequently steal electricity from neighbors just to keep the grow lights on. Thirdly and most important, my mother lives in the same house and she decided a couple of years ago that marijuana wasn't nearly as profitable as crack, so she sunk all her profits into cocaine dealing.

Karl Erikson lives in Sebring and can be reached at karlerikson@yahoo.com

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