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Can Punxsutawney Phil Predict The Elections?

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Karl Erikson

Published: February 4, 2008

So Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, saw his shadow on Saturday. This supposedly indicates six more weeks of winter weather. I'm not sure why a rodent is determining our weather outlook, but I have a tough time believing in winter weather when I live in Florida. Make me wear a sweater and we'll talk.

Too bad Punxsutawney Phil can't predict the outcome of the November election. Sure would save us all a lot of time and aggravation, not to mention nine more months of rallies and debates. Yes, our job is finished for the time being, our primary duties completed last week. But it's a "Super" week. Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday and tomorrow is Super Tuesday. I'd like good old Phil to tell us just how much more love-fest we can expect from Hillary and Barack. At their last debate they actually started making out in front of the whole world, so determined were they to prove the unity of the Democratic party. Don't they realize we expect to see hair ripped out by the roots, bloodied knuckles, and teeth marks on their faces?

Super Tuesday offers the most delegates in one fell swoop on a single day. So far, McCain has the most Republican delegates and Clinton has the most Democratic delegates. Each party has their own way of appointing delegates, who are really just people with nothing better to do but go to a big convention and wave red, white, and blue signs around to the other people who don't really care. Somehow all the delegates get together and vote on which candidates should be on the November ballot - I think they play a game of Pin the Tail on the Morons.

In other news, there are rumors circulating that the writers strike in Hollywood may soon be over. Even with "Lost" returning with all-new episodes, it's hard to ignore the impact of the strike. Personally, I think the producers are hungry to make a deal since the Academy Awards are coming up in a few weeks. They don't want a glorified press conference like the Golden Globes a few weeks back. They want to see the red carpet, streaming with major stars and ridiculous outfits.

I'm excited about the prospect of an end to the strike, since I'm still sporting my writers strike beard. It's really starting to itch, so I look forward to shaving it off. Why I agreed to do such a silly thing as grow a beard is beyond me. Hurry up, Hollywood. End this madness, please.

At the Oakland Zoo, Tiki, the 18-year-old giraffe is suffering through the cold winter weather. For a giraffe, 18 is getting up there in years, and Tiki already receives regular visits from an acupuncturist, a masseuse, and a chiropractor. But what do you do for a cold giraffe? Make a custom blanket, of course. Taking measurements was a big challenge that required a ladder, and it turns out that Tiki is a 42 extra-extra long.

Speaking of animals, there's a so-called "artist" in New York, Nate Hill, who uses animals in his artwork. The weird part? The animals are all dead. Nate says, "To put it simply, what I do is cut up the animals, I sew them together in a different way, and then I submerge them in rubbing alcohol to preserve them." You can catch videos of Hill sewing together a rabbit, a duck, and a turkey. I think I'd rather watch 9 more months of presidential debates.

Karl Erikson lives in Sebring and can be reached at karlerikson@yahoo.com

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