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Did You Get The Memo? Probably Not

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By BUD MORGAN Guest Column

The Tampa Tribune

Published: August 21, 2008

Do you sometimes feel a little like the Army private who was being admonished by the colonel for not showing up for a war? The private replied, "Sir, I didn't get the memo." Of course, the private still went to the brig.

There will always be someone who just does not get the word. For instance, I'll bet you didn't receive the same memo that the national media received - the one that said: "Restrict Presidential campaign coverage to trivia and gutter gossip and ignore the compelling issues of the day."

I didn't receive the same memo that Sen. McCain received - the one that said, "Presidential candidates are not supposed to talk about their own qualifications and proposals; rather, they are to limit themselves to defining and belittling their opponent(s)."

I didn't receive the memo that Bill and Hillary Clinton received regarding their unquestionable "entitlement" to the presidency. Neither did I receive that memo from the founding fathers, who allegedly hid it somewhere in the U.S. Constitution - the memo that said that outlandish, multi-million dollar campaign donations represent "freedom of speech." If money truly represents freedom of speech then one should be allowed to withhold such speech or use it; therefore, maybe I don't have to pay my "freedom of speech" money for taxes. Nah! The innocuous "they" will just send another memo.

To continue this thematic venture, how many of you received the memo that said that presidential campaigns should last for a sickeningly, boringly, extended period of time? By the time the general election rolls around, voters are so tired of the candidates that they almost wish for a return to a monarchy. Congress, please offer up a bill that would restrict presidential campaigns to six months - four in the primary and two after the party convention.

Obviously, the Conservative-in-Chief sent a memo to all conservatives seeking office stating that they must adopt the following positions:

1. Support family values (meaning, I am opposed to contraception, abortion and homosexuality);

2. Refer to all references to affordable health care for all Americans as "socialized medicine" (even though this is the only nation that uses such a term and regardless that police, fire, education, national defense, etc, are also "socialized");

3. Constantly complain about "big government" even though conservatives have occupied the White House for the past eight years and held the majority in Congress for six of the past eight years - a eight-year period of a federal government of historically, unequalled size and cost;

4. Proffer your (alleged) superiority in matters of national defense (even though the past eight years have included a major three-pronged terrorist attack against this country, a mistaken, mismanaged war in Iraq, an under-funded, under-equipped, and under-manned war in Afghanistan, and a decimated national security force;

5. Always state how religious and moral you are (even though you may be under indictment for corruption and/or perjury, have had numerous affairs, and regularly sell your soul to lobbyists and campaign contributors;

6. Never give in to those who want anything other than oil and gas as fuel (even after we have drilled through the earth from the North Pole to the South Pole and found no more oil, we must then drill through the earth from the South Pole to the North Pole - just in case;

7. And the most important of all the positions which a true conservative must adopt is cutting taxes, because such economic policy is at the very core of conservatism (even though we must borrow from China, Saudi Arabia, and Japan to pay for those cuts - and when those three won't loan us any more money, we must beg Russia). There is a post-script to this conservative memo, "never, never, never admit to a mistake."

The liberals did not send a memo to all of their followers. Firstly, they don't have a Liberal-in-Chief. Secondly, they are still trying to decipher the memo from the Conservative-in-Chief. Please be comforted, however, with the knowledge that the liberals have formed 214 committees and 526 subcommittees to determine what the memo should say, when and if they decide to send it.

I would be willing to bet that no one can guess the subject of the memo that was sent to the largest group of people but ignored by all of those who were most affected by it. Think! Think! Think! No, it was not the memo sent to all people in the South informing them that big trucks do not get great gas mileage. No, it was not the memo sent to all office holders in Highlands County that they should beware of Hank Kowalski.

Do you give up? OK, it was the famous "Contract With America" memo authored by Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and his fellow Republicans in the 104th Congress in 1994. I refer, specifically, to items 1 and 10 of that contract. Item number 1 reads: "The Fiscal Responsibility Act - A balanced budget/tax limitation amendment and a legislative line-item veto to restore fiscal responsibility to an out-of-control Congress, requiring them to live under the same budget constraints as families and businesses."

Item number 10 reads: The Citizen Legislature Act - A first-ever vote on term limits to replace career politicians with citizen legislators." Never before has a single memo been ignored by so many and, by their cavalier failure to abide by the same, resulted in such a blatant disregard for the common good.

Just like the Army private, perhaps, members of Congress should have been thrown in the brig for their failure to read or abide by such an important memo.

Bud Morgan lives in Avon Park.

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