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Highlands Today

Aging: Did I Agree To This?

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Joyce Minor

Published: September 23, 2007

How is it that the body ages while the person inside still feels as young as ever?

I find myself making plans as if I can still do all the things I've always done. And then I'm shocked when things take longer, or are more tiring, or I find I simply can't do them at all.

I recently took a road trip from Sebring up into central Alabama. I've made the same trip several times over the last decade, driving it in 10 hours straight. It's always tiring, but usually I just sleep late the next day and I'm none the worse for wear.

But not this time. The first night back I was literally so tired I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I could feel the car vibrating under me, see the road stretching ahead, and hear the roar of the engine. It took me three days to get over the bone weariness.

We have moved our family a dozen times. Packing and unpacking a household of five people, three pets, and all of their stuff, was never easy. But after about the fifth move, I got really good at it. So, when we moved from Alabama to Sebring, I thought I'd handle it the same as always. In fact, I thought it would be easier, since now there are just the two of us.

But I was wrong. After the long drive and two days of unpacking, I was much more tired than after any other move I remember. I had aches where I didn't even know I had muscles. In addition, I found it harder to make decisions. Even the simplest ones, like what to put in which cupboard, seemed more vexing because I was just so tired.

Recently, I filled out a form for something (I don't even remember what) and when I had to enter my age, it was shocking. Sometimes I walk past a mirror or catch my reflection in a storefront window and I don't recognize that middle-aged woman, though she looks strangely like my mother.

Yard work used to be fun. I remember raking leaves all day then spending another hour burying our giggling children in the piles. I remember taking the kids to water parks, swimming all day in the hot sun, and feeling no more tired than I get today doing a half hour of gardening.

Am I really so out of shape? Maybe I just need to work out, join a pilates class, or invest in a treadmill. Maybe.

But I have a feeling the truth is that I've reached that place in life where the person I am inside, that person who is still 20-something, suddenly feels trapped in her __-something body. I've heard people speak of this strange awakening; I just never thought it would happen to me. After all, I had no choice in the matter, and that seems to be the primary source of my frustration.

I don't want age to sneak up on me. I want to be in control of the process, not blindsided by it. I've always hated it when women try too hard to stay young and wind up making fools of themselves. I've always been determined to grow old gracefully, accepting it with wit and gentility. And I still intend to do that.

Just not now!

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