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Highlands Today

Boomers' Final Hurrah Their Way

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Lyn and Bill Roche

Published: November 9, 2007

The first unconventional or non-traditional funeral we can remember attending was about 15 years ago. When we walked through the doors of the Catholic Church where it was being held, we were greeted by the familiar sounds of a Jimmy Buffett ballad.

We knew the deceased well. The song and the artist were definitely his favorites. Many other Buffett singles could be heard preceding and immediately following the funeral liturgy. And the celebration at the family's home afterwards continued with a Margaritaville theme.

What we didn't realize at the time was; that particular funeral and a few others like it were forerunners of things to come for aging boomers, their families and friends, funeral directors, and clergy of all denominations. As the New York Times said in July 2006, regarding The Boomer's Funeral, "It's My Funeral and I'll Serve Ice Cream If I Want To," – times and funerals have changed.

Traditionalists ask if modern funeral celebrations downplay, delay, ignore, or prolong the grieving process? One might respond with a question, that like personal lives, should funerals not have personal touches?

Many funeral directors and clergy believe personalizing a funeral service helps in the grieving and healing process. We've all read of funeral motorcades of Harleys. We've seen balloons released on golf courses. Some church funerals now include wonderful video legacies of the deceased, which often include background music featuring top chart "oldies."

Not long ago we were privileged to attend the "celebration" of the life of a friend who died. His family and the church staff had worked together to create a marvelous multimedia tribute, which included an audio of the deceased harmonizing duets with his beautiful wife.

Funerals can surely be more meaningful experiences for the living when they are filled with personal touches thought out in advance by the "guest of honor." One boomer recently told us he has planned every detail of the service he described as his final embrace to those on earth - until he sees them and embraces them again in heaven.

A growing number of boomers want to give their family and friends a big party, rather than the money being spent on an expensive sorrowful funeral. More and more Americans are opting for cremation. Others are choosing to "give back to earth" through green burials. They want their un-embalmed bodies placed in biodegradable caskets and buried in hand-dug graves in the new increasingly popular eco-cemeteries.

Online we found an article describing a rather wild spin taken by a funeral home in Phoenix, Ariz. The Arizona Republic highlighted the funeral director who created a casino atmosphere, in which mourners honor the departed by playing slot machines. Money dropped into the machines is donated to the deceased's favorite charity.

We also found companies named "Party Thereafter" and "What's Your Story?" that target the changing tastes of aging boomers who'd rather take a pass on traditional funerals. We've read about parties that feature catered foods, cocktail or wine-and-cheese receptions and live musicians. Many such gatherings feature a definite theme reflecting the favorite hobby or passion of the dearly departed.

Yes, boomers are definitely redefining funerals - not only for themselves, but also for other generations. Matt Thornhill, president of the Boomer Project, a research and marketing firm based in Richmond, Va., said, "As they go out on their final hurrah, boomers do it differently. Every phase of life they get to, they transform."

Lyn and Bill live in Highlands Ridge. They're the authors of Coping With Caring and Sharing the Care. Visit their websites www.journeybookstore.com www.boomersandbeyondthecolum.com and www.thecaregiverscaregiver.com ©2007 Journey Publications

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