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Inedible Cookies Lingering Memento Of Childhood Mischief

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Karl Erikson

Published: December 31, 2007

I hope that each of you had a wonderful holiday, whether that be Hanukkah or Christmas or Kwanzaa. I'm still in Boca Raton at my sister Karin's house. Thanks to the modern miracle of e-mail, I can write my column from anywhere in the world, provided I make my deadline.

I got some wonderful gifts myself, including new cologne, the latest Eagles album, an iTunes gift card, and a Spiderman doll. Hey, don't diss Spiderman or I may have to hurt you. My brother and I went to Wally World on Friday to spend the $50 gift card I got. What a mob scene. I picked up another game for my new Nintendo Wii. Now we can play billiards, ping pong, the shooting gallery, and laser hockey. There's even a fishing game, which is really weird. I can't fathom fishing in real life, let alone doing it virtually.

Aside from the incessant yapping from my father's ankle-biter rat dog, it's been a wonderful time here. He refuses to leave his dogs at home in Stuart, even though he has neighbors that would happily dog sit. If that teeny barker doesn't watch itself, it'll wind up swimming with the fishes. Lucy Lou (yeah, that's its name) is only happy when my Dad is holding her (shades of Paris Hilton). Don't tell my father, but my sister has been feeding Lucy some valium the last couple of days. I think she needs to up the dosage.

Back to my brother…he and his wife drove all the way down from Virginia to surprise my father and stepmother. My stepmother, mostly blind from diabetes, nearly passed out once she found out that it was Chris saying "Merry Christmas" to her from across the room. Lots of tears all around and it was the best day Mom has had in a long time. It's been really fun having him around…my sister, brother, and I haven't been in the same place together since my father's heart attack around eight years ago.

The worst side effect of Chris' visit has been the late-night chat sessions, where my parents dredge up all our horrible childhood acts. I've been reminded of what a little terror I was. For example, when I was 11 or so, we had this annoying "friend" (Guy) that lived across the street. Karin, Chris, and I had some chocolate sandwich cookies and Guy kept bugging us for some. Finally, I said, "OK, I'll be right back."

At this point, I went into our house and began doctoring the cookies. I pulled apart the cookies and then added some garlic powder, onion powder, other assorted herbs and spices, and some hot sauce. Still, something was missing. Ding! A bell went off in my brain and I told Karin to go into our back yard and procure some dog poop. Her being six or seven, she instantly complied and darted off, returning a minute later with a fairly fresh sample.

Yes, it's disgusting, I know. But like I said, I was a little terror at times. I added the secret ingredient to my cookies, put them back together, and brought them out to Guy. He took one bite and the look on his face was marvelous. Then he spit it out and ran off screaming to his mother, the little wimp. Boy, did I get chewed out for that one.

But I'll tell you what: Guy never asked us for cookies again.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Karl Erikson lives in Sebring. You can wish him a Happy New Year at karlerikson@yahoo.com

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