TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

Highlands Today

Adjusting To An Empty Nest Is Hard

ADVERTISEMENT

Joyce Minor

Published: December 16, 2007

The youngest of my three children will graduate from college in two days. It is the fulfillment of a dream for him, and a step toward what I know will be a bright future. I'm happy, and proud, and … sad. Yes, sad, because this is a huge sea change in my life.

When our eldest child graduated from college it was exciting. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but, of course, I did. It seemed unbelievable that we could be the parents of that beautiful, accomplished adult, with so much potential and so many opportunities ahead of her. It seemed like just yesterday when she came into our lives. After eleven years of marriage, when we had finally adjusted to the idea that we would never have a child, she was our miracle.

When our middle child graduated from college, I thought, "I've been through this before; this time I'll handle it better." Yeah, right. I blubbered like an idiot when that beautiful young woman walked across the stage. How could she be the same little girl who, at 4 years old, begged me to let her go to preschool? But we couldn't afford it. I cried when I had to tell her no. Then she crawled on my lap and said, "Don't cry Mommie. It's okay." Even then she was the caring child, more mature than her years.

So now, with the third and final college graduation, I'm resigned to just sniffling my way through it. After all, this child is my baby. He is my little man, all grown into a real man now.

This is the end of my long road as a mother. They are all adults now. They don't need me anymore. I've done all I can do to set them on the road to success and fulfillment.

I should be celebrating. So, why is it that I feel so blue? We look forward to each milestone in our children's lives, anticipating the accomplishment for them and for us, but when it's finally achieved, we feel sad. It doesn't matter whether the goal is potty training or a Ph.D., parents dream of the day, then when it arrives, all we can do is look back and wish they were little again.

When the child passing that final milestone is your youngest it's even more emotional. I can't help but think back on all the things we've been through together. I'm happy, yet sad. I want to celebrate, yet I feel like my life as a parent is over. He doesn't need me anymore. I'm free, but instead of celebrating, I feel like I've lost my whole reason for existence. I should be happy, and I am. But it's mixed with a sweet sorrow. My heart is bursting with pride and aching with emptiness at the same time.

For almost 30 years my whole life has revolved around my children and my role as a mother. His graduation is a new beginning for him, but it feels like an ending for me. Yes, I'll have more time and money for myself now. I've dreamed of this — the empty nest. But now that I have it, I'm not sure what to do with it.

Becoming a mother of three in barely four years was a huge adjustment. But suddenly finding myself in an empty nest is an even bigger one.

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT